Ill Advice: Whats with the scary ass men nowadays??

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I put that picture up of Mrs Basset because I knew that would be something that would scare this cat off. Anyhoo...

In our first edition of Ill Advice, where ya boy Vandalyzm weighs in on problems dealing mainly with male/female relations of some sort. My homegirl hit me up on this, and I made sure it was cool to post before I did. Please know I want yall to weigh in on it as well after you read. This is a team effort here lol.

Anyhow, I'm sure everyone here has received this text message in the past couple of weeks "Before 2008 ends, what is one thing that you and me need to do" and it asks you to forward it...blah blah blah. I totally didnt push it out, I was scared of the responses I would have got, I wont even lie hahaha.

Anyhow, this corny ass dude my homegirl be talking to from time to time sent it to her. And she kept it straight one with him. Her response was "We should have some wine, and have some sex".



Anyhoo, of course he was like "Oh hell yeah, we need to get that cracking off" whatever. So fast forward a week. We are all at a mutual friend's crib for the Golden Boy/ Pacquiao massacre that went down, for folks that didnt see the fight this is what happened:

^^ Like a couple million times, till De La Fruity was like:

"Nigga this hurt, I quit. Him making my brain feel all sloshy with his fist mama. I's tired, I think imma lay down now. *ringing in ear* AND WILL SOMEONE GET THAT GOT-DAMN FORBIDDEN PHONE!!"


yeah so, dude is there, chick is there...what you think was gonna happen?

They were gonna connect up, and bump gorillas right????


Homie hit her with the hug, and "I'm headed to the lounge with my boys" and rolled out on her.

So she, through out the night, hit him with texts just seeing what he was about to get into. He kept just being like "after the spot, nothing" with the response. So she was like "Van, I mean, why is he not coming at me right now? I threw it out there, and homie just like whatever about it."

Mind yall folks, shes a real cute girl, her body is on point and everything. I got a stable of my homies who want to get at her, so ugly aint the problem lol.

Anyhow, I told her, just text homie, say I put it out there, and you really not putting forth no effort to make this happen, whats the problem? His response will give you everything you need.

She did that. Now, what do yall think this cat response was?

"Well I feel like since you were the one with the ideal, I feel like you should be putting forth the effort to do it".

Yes. A grown ass man. "Straight" not so sure. But a grown ass man nonetheless, let that shit come out of his mouth to a woman who just THREW HIM the pantie draws.

Now before I posted this, I consulted with a few of my homies on said girl, and the situation at hand.

One of my boys was like, "Well maybe he just wasnt interested".

I felt that, but then I was like, if I was in his position, and I wasnt feeling the girl, I just wouldnt have responded. I wouldnt have ever sent the text to her. I wouldnt even allow her to let her UGMO fingers type something dirty to me like that. I would burn my phone, and then re-burn the ashes if she responded to me. And I really like my phone, so I avoid things of that nature, by not forwarding text to uggos. Simple right? Riiiiight.

So, I figured it out!!!

Dude is flat out LAZY.

I mean, we call this the "ATL Syndrome"

Why? Cause the ratio females to males there is like 8/1, and half of the dudes there are gay, so that really makes it like 16/1 hahaha. Jokes, but not playing.

So the straight dudes, they are like the females there. The chicks really gotta be on their shit, cause straight black males are sparse in that city completely. SO the chicks be straight going hard at the dudes, COURTING them, till they respond.

Lord forbid you got a job, car, AND YOUR OWN PLACE. Oh might just catch herperrhea(Herpes/Gonorrhea) from all the ass you about to get. LMFAO.

Now, its fun in theory, but real talk. Where I'm from, that shit JUST DONT FLY. And I'm not saying you gotta chase these broads out here. But if a chick you think is cute, you feeling her on that level, and she puts that out there, I mean nigga PUT EFFORT FORWARD. She just gave you the green liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight (c) John Legend. You can at LEAST pick her up in the ride and take her to the Howard Johnson, and at least go DUTCH on that room. I mean damn, is that too much?

End all be all, to my homegirl, for SOME reason thinks he's entitled.

If you already gave him a pass, and he expects you to pick him up, take him to a movie, then whisper in his ear about how you gonna do him...then real rap...he likes manbutt.

I honestly think that any man who enjoys that Usher song, enjoys dabbling in man booty. Seriously. I dont care if you are slowdancing with a woman, that song is gay.

But back to what I was talking about. Thats a whole blog in itself.

*clears throat*

Guys, if you like manbutt, even if you like woman vageen, just be real with your partner. Seriously, you are confusing folks like my homegirl. LOL.

And if you are straight...please choke yourself until you get sleepy and pass out.

And with that, I'm outro.

Oh yeah, again...if you need ADVICE...hit me and my folks at

We got an answer for it all, I promise. Logic is something the masses lack. And we are filled with it. Why? Hoe cause we Superill!!