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Thursday, December 11, 2008






^^ fits my mood so well...

Imma speak from the heart yall, so bear with me. I could have spoken about a host of topics now, and I still will eventually. But as I was about to do so, this overwhelming feeling just came over me, and something was like "say this" so I am.

For those that know me, know that I'm not one who is at a loss for words, but its really hard to put into letters how I really feel right now.

I got it...

God is Good.

Its like this...folks see what I do, they hear about it, and they dont really ask me at times HOW I feel about what I do. When folks do, I kind of shrug it off, and normally give a "Meh" or "Its not that big of a deal, I'm just doing me" type of answer.

And honestly thats the wrong way to do it. It at times comes off cocky I know, but I really dont want to give it that much energy cause I dont feel deserving of the accolades. At times when I wanna jump in the air because of something wonderful in my life, you always got folks who think you are "bragging" or who are quick to shoot you down. And ive had this happen to me with some of my closer than close folks, so I really watch who I share that joy with PERIOD.

But seriously, its about this. I've been told alot of things in these past couple of years, and Ive heard what folks said, and kind of took it like "whatever man you're just talking" and kept it moving. Something just came over me today and was like, "Seriously Van, listen to them". I just got to thinking back to all that was and is said...

...what I do and what I say REALLY affects people.

When something major happens for me, I'm not just happy, there are people who support me, all over the GLOBE that are happy for me.

I mean, no bullshit. I made a song in my basement that folks in Japan love so much, that they are releasing it on an album there? An album I put out with my own money is being bootlegged in Kuwait, cats in Germany are such fans of my work they taped a song I did off the radio and made vinyl out of it for DJ's? How is this happening?

All of that...over a pen, a computer, and a windowless room at the bottom of my crib (my favorite writing place).

Or I ask a simple question on facebook, and get in my car, and drive to work and by time I log back on I got 50 responses? All from just seven simple words?

like I dont know what to make of it all. But its more than just me making music, or entertaining folks now. I see that I have a responsibility. That puts a whole new level of stress on it, because folks that believe in me, I dont ever want to let them down. When you keep hearing things like "You are the hope for the city" (not my words I promise) and ish of that nature...like you really gotta listen.

I'm not taking it to my head by a long shot...but I feel guilty, cause I dont feel worthy of any of the praise.

Why? I'm just doing what God put in me to do. The praise is his...

I'm beyond grateful. I just really dont want to let anyone down.

To anyone who has ever bought, downloaded, burned my music...
Came to my show, watched my shows on youtube...
Listened to me on interviews, read a blog...
Listened to my music on myspace...
Told someone about me, prayed for me, thought about me, love/loved me...

Thank you.

I thrive off of your positivity. It keeps me going. Just be with me as this new year comes along, cause things are really changing. More than I have the liberty to speak on at the moment. But I promise I do it for every one of you, especially my hometown of St Louis.

Thats all I wanted. I love you all.

-Majorz

Posted by The Ill at 12:38 AM  

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